Tired Of Constant Change

I'm tired. I slept okay last night, but the night before and before that I slept horribly. I usually don't have a problem with sleep, but when I do it really affects my hormones and mood and energy levels and my mind. I haven't been as regular with my morning routine with reading the bible, writing, praying and watching sermons to start my day. I don't like when that happens. I typically cry during my morning routine because of the immense love I feel from God. He truly does care for us, so much. His compassion is pure and it's so incredibly healing. His love and kindness towards me is the only way I am able to love the people in my life who are not easily lovable. I'm grateful for that. I can see them the way God see's them, as much as I'm able to anyways. We are all His creation and He loves each one of us the same. We are all so precious in His eyes. Studying God and the Bible has been my saving grace, because the hurt this world can elicit in a person's heart will lead to death; a slow painful death from the poison of sin, - their sin and our own sin by holding on to it and not forgiving. That is something I've known before, but now I experience it and practice it pretty regularly. God is good. 

I'm tired of changing up my diet. It affects my gut and my gut affects my energy, my mood and my mind. I am slowly transitioning back to more veggies and cancer healing foods, but I'm not looking forward to the weight loss or the teeth sensitivity from the citrus and the fruits. I know I'll just have to modify it to suit my needs and it'll be a more refined version than before but I'm just tired of taking in information. There is so much to learn and so many conflicting views it's hard not to get overwhelmed sometimes. I'm not looking forward to all of the shopping, prepping, cooking, juicing, cleaning.... It's a full time job. Noble's in school now so that should help. He's been with me for a majority of the last three and a half years, since the pandemic, homeschooling, doing everything together, including work. 

I'm venting. I have a narrative in my mind but I know I'll be good but that's only because God is in charge. I just need to refocus my mind on Him. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. My everything Good. 

My digestion isn't doing well. Still dealing with hyperosmia, it's horrible. I just want to be healthy. I'm learning. 

A really important aspect of health is relationships, - good ones. They are what life is about, #1 a good relationship with God, and then others. It's good for us in every way, so I'm praying for good relationships and I see my prayers being answered. God had to work on me being my own friend first. I knew I had to be the friend I desire to have too, so it was and still is a work in progress. It's just nice to be making progress. 

I'm pretty sure my gut issues have to do with all of the radiation I've been exposed because of the images ordered to diagnose. 4 opinions. Many PET scans, CT scans, MRI's, some of these with contrast. Not just for cancer but for my lungs and this hyperosmia, and now seeing an gastroenterologist for my stomach. They are going to put me under and put cameras from the top down and from the bottom up. FUN!! So fun. I'm hoping to have healed the issue before then. It's scheduled for January 2024. 

The type of cancer I'm diagnosed with is the invasive type. It spreads to other organs, but thankfully it's slow growing. Still, with all of these other issues it's more challenging to get a grip on. The devil is really trying to take me out. God is holding me together. Each issue in itself is so disheartening. Some days it's hard to get in a good breath of air while I'm out in the world. Chemicals everywhere. It's chaotic. 

It's almost 8 pm, - too late for me to be eating but I need to eat. 

Life is a battle. I'll get through it, with God~


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